Confessions

Do you ever feel like everyone is against you? I know this is silly and probably many girls of my age think this. I can't help but feel silly when I say it, but that doesn't push away the fact that how I feel is how I feel. I never really liked people that judge how someone acts as immature or something like that because in the end, even if you know better, your still going to feel what you feel.
My family, ever since I've come back from America (I went to study there), has had this crazy idea that I have matured in some crazy way. Like two years away will change my personality. You know what I think maturing is, it's the capability to control or suppress things you've always felt and will always feel. I have friends that tell me I'm mature or people who think I'm older but all I've learnt is that the less you say the better other people feel. Maybe this sounds bad, or judgmental of others, but that's the only way it seems to work. To not step on people's toes. Even though I still get those irrational moments where you would like to take all the pens from your bag and draw all over someone's face or table or wall. Mind you I would never do that because I hate doing something to someone that I wouldn't like having done to me. But this way of thinking conflicts with irrational feelings just as much as anything else and you find yourself irritated with yourself so much that you'll throw it on others.
I think I'm babbling. But I like to think that it's a good thing that you still get irrational feelings and crazy impulses, because if you a were a completely rational 'mature' person wouldn't it be boring?
I'll share an irrationality of mine, two things that I hate above anything else that even with all the control in the world I can't shake off:

I hate walking in a street full of people and no one seems to move a muscle to let you pass, I wonder sometimes if everyone in the world just slams into each other since I am apparently the only one that will hop around and crush myself against a wall to avoid every person alive.

And Secondly I loath it when people ignore me. I have three very loud brother's and an even louder father, I love them to death but sometimes I wish I could seal their mouths shut. When people ignore me I feel like I might as well not exist or they should tell me up front that they don't care what I say whenever I say it... I know irrational right? I wouldn't say this to them or anyone but I guess I can say it to you. If anyone feels the same it feels better to know that they do doesn't it?