The Write On Wednesday Rules: Get creative with the writing exercises - there isn't a right or wrong. Please do try to visit the other members of Write On Wednesdays and leave a comment of support and constructive criticism.
Write On Wednesdays Exercise 23 - Write the words of Margaret Atwood at the top of your page "We are learning to make fire". Set your timer to 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Stop when the buzzer rings.
We are learning to make fire. Or at least that is what the boy calls it. He doesn't look like us, he doesn't even smell like us and he won't accept the bots when we offer him some. I've seen him ingest the circular fruit that grows on the trees that grow in a meadow near the center. He is the same age as us, he is from the Neo-Generation. But he wasn't altered. His mother must have been healthy even during the years of the plague. Why would his parents reject an unaltered child?
The others don't believe that he is unaltered, they don't want to think that the parents wouldn't want us even if we were normal. They think he has alterations in his inner systems. If that was true he wouldn't be able to eat plants. I sparked him once. I wanted to show my appreciation for his helping us and teaching us new things, like this new fire. That was when I knew. Knew that he didn't have an electrical current in him.
I looked down at my hand. The wires clicked and wired to move the digits that way I wanted them to move. They could turn down into themselves and alter into guns. The others thought it was useful but it was just something else that made me different from him.
He moved over to my side to help me with the fire and his shoulder brushed mine. The twitch wasn't part of my system, something left over from my parents but as I involuntarily moved away one of the sticks I was holding cut him. The blood ran from the wound and I slapped my hand over the cut quickly to keep the others from seeing.
"You're different from the others." he whispered smiling, "You've known from the beginning haven't you?"
"I'm so sorry." I said.
"I'm fine."
"No I'm sorry there are no others like you here."
The wires in my eyes were becoming warms and I could feel the bots squirming there.
"You're more like me than you think." he whispered.
His fingers brushed against my cheek and I was surprised to see dark oil staining his fingers as he drew away.
Interesting. Leaves me wanting more.
ReplyDeleteI would love to have the imagination to write this kind of stuff.
ReplyDeleteI'm facinated by it, can't wait to read more!
What a unique spin on the prompt. Great imagery! I love the "techno future" theme that you used in your piece. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. I also want to read more, and am fascinated by the ideas in this piece. Awesome!
ReplyDeletegreat piece, really interesting and well written!
ReplyDeleteOh, Sci-fi, we haven't had a lot of that in WoW! I really like the ideas you're playing with here, I hope you develop it further, I'd like to know more about the plague and why the unaltered boy was rejected.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking for a word to describe this, Tessa, but 'beautiful' just doesn't seem to cut it. This is so much more than just beautiful!
ReplyDeleteYou handled the emotions of both the protagonist and the others wonderfully. I love the bit where the others refuse to think that their parents wouldn't want them even if they were normal; it suggests a darker side to the world than the previous text established, and it also tacitly tells of their emotional vulnerability. And that they are so vulnerable despite being more machine than human is something I wouldn't expect as a reader, so extra points for that.
I'm also amazed at how you managed to make this piece dual in the sense that it can stand alone effortlessly but at the same time it has the potential to be part (the beginning? I love mysterious beginnings) of an excellent story.
I love your way with words. =)
/ Rain
Wow thank you so much, all of you, your words are really encouraging :)
ReplyDeleteThis was mysterious and fascinating. I agree with Rain, it stands alone beautifully, but I wanted to know so much more :)
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was the first line you wrote after the prompt. "Or at least that is what the boy calls it". Just a few words but you gave us so much in this sentence, intrigue, suspense and it set the tone for Sci-Fi...Amazing use of your imagination. You could work on this further, I think...it could make an interesting short story
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