Write on Wednesday: 5

The Write On Wednesday Rules: Get creative with the writing exercises - there isn't a right or wrong. Please do try to visit the other members of Write On Wednesdays and leave a comment of support and constructive criticism. 

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 18 - Look through your previous WoW posts (or select a short writing piece that you would like to work on). Read through your piece carefully and let's attempt to make it better. Look for redundant words, cliches or overused phrases. Chop and change. This is not an exercise in word count, it's not about simply whittling it down. Make it a better piece of writing. Post your original and edited piece. THEN, throw it to the*wolves. Ask for advice from WoWers. With  help you can make your writing shine. 

 So I missed out on last the last WoW unfortunately, I was moving countries and I find that that is a good enough reason. 
I haven't been doing WoW for very long so I don't have that many works to change but I do know that the last work I did was way too long to I decided to shorten that darling. I'm not going to post it on this same space just because it's so long but I will link it.

Here is the original piece. The rules to the exercise are there too. 






So I worked with the song Resistance by Muse, here is my new and improved version:




The rain was pouring down hard. She could barely see anything anymore. She was cold and tired. All she had been doing was running hard. The rain was beating on her back and spraying into her eyes as it splashed against the sodden floor. She struggled to control her breath -hanging like a cloud in the cold air- as she pushed her way up the small hill. She slipped but stopped midway before striking the floor, his hand held her up. He was always there to hold her up. He knew as well as her that they needed to stop.
"There's a cave up there." he breathed.
The cave was dark but dry. She had lived through much worse and she could only be thankful that wherever she was now, it wasn't there. There was the promise of something better now. She looked up at him. His eyes were on her face. Like they had always been and they would always be. There was the love there she felt whenever she was near him and this was only the beginning of that love. He had whispered his fears to her, his fears of losing her. 
The tears poured down her cheeks as she lost herself in his embrace, knowing that he already had.








So this is a very, very shortened version and I realize it is a big cut but I wanted to get closer to the original length that was asked for. I hope this doesn't deviate to much from what the exercise asks.