One day I want to become a writer, and artist, an editor. I have traveled so much with my parents and my brothers that they are my closest friends and sometimes I wonder if I can actually say I come from any certain country. I love food so much that I think of countries according to the dishes they serve. And also, I am sharing my life with you.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Write on Wednesday: 6

The Write On Wednesday Rules: Get creative with the writing exercises - there isn't a right or wrong. Please do try to visit the other members of Write On Wednesdays and leave a comment of support and constructive criticism. 


Write On Wednesdays Exercise 19 - Sunshine in a cup. Write the words of Emily Dickinson: "Bring me sunshine in a cup" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.

I'm not sure what exactly it is about the sentence "Bring me sunshine in a cup" that I have never liked but I'll make sure that doesn't affect this piece.


Her hands scraped against the rocks that littered the dirt floor as she desperately searched for the torch. She could see them now, when there was no light to keep her safe, their bright eyes shining in the pitch black that surrounded her. But even as their eyes were bright for her to see, they did not light up the path. They were a void even in the darkness, they stole the essence of the cave in those bright empty eyes and if she did not find the torch soon they would steal hers too.
She had to calm down, they would only attack if they felt that she was faltering. She knew her fear was already reaching them. Her hands stopped moving, she was already dead.

"Girl." came a whisper from ahead.

In a flash the thousands of eyes vanished and before her stood the man from before. In his hand was a small bowl, a bowl from which light was spilling onto the floor. It was no flame. It was like no light she had ever seen. It spilled over the rims of the bowl and poured across the floor to were she was crouching, like a warm mist.
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17 comments:

  1. SarahOctober 17, 2011 at 4:03 AM

    I love the tension and suspense in this TV.

    I'm sitting here with my bowl saying 'please sir, can I have some more' :)

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  2. TVOctober 17, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    Haha why thank you.
    Do you watch the show 'How I met your Mother'? That line kills me every time ^^

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  3. MelissaOctober 17, 2011 at 10:45 PM

    Interesting piece. Not sure I quite understand what is happening, thought... does this link up with another piece?

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  4. Kristy ProwseOctober 18, 2011 at 4:41 AM

    ooh what were those beady little eyes...
    Reminded me of indiana jones - perhaps..

    The first line - sp for scraped not scrapped.
    I would break up the sentance stucture to make it short and sharp - like being in a panic.

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  5. TVOctober 18, 2011 at 7:06 AM

    Woops, thanks House of Prowse, guess I was a bit stressed about the five minute limit.

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  6. Lillie McFerrinOctober 18, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    Very interesting! Nice job.

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  7. BOctober 18, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    Ooooh - goosebumps! Like it lots!

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  8. Melinda ChapmanOctober 19, 2011 at 3:22 AM

    wow! My eyes poured through this... love the voice and imagery, as well as the abruptness of the moment she passes through to the other side... all the more chilling!

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  9. Rhianna October 19, 2011 at 8:17 AM

    this is great really enjoyed where it was going

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  10. TVOctober 19, 2011 at 8:22 AM

    Thank you so much, all four of you.

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  11. RainOctober 19, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    I have to agree on the tension and suspense of this piece being what makes it. I loved that in the end there was no threat, just a man (her companion on that adventure?). Even now I can imagine the man following up with a witty one-liner such as "don't fall behind, girl" or something to that effect. Odd how tension can so easily give way to comedy, no? =)

    / Rain

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  12. Sheri BombOctober 19, 2011 at 9:32 PM

    I really enjoyed this! When I first started reading I thought perhaps she'd been kidnapped (I read to much crime fiction :P) by the time I got to the end I wasn't really sure what was happening, I'm still not but I like that - the disorientation really puts me right there in the story. Great work!

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  13. KerryOctober 20, 2011 at 2:06 PM

    Wow! Such tension building! I was a little scared for the girl! I need to know what happens! Are there other posts to this story?

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  14. TVOctober 20, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    It's a altered part of my book. So yes there is a whole book of parts to this story.

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  15. InkPaperPenOctober 21, 2011 at 5:27 PM

    This is interesting, gave me chills and I felt like something very dark was happening. Like others, I didn't quite understand what was happening, but I think this is the nature of 5 min stream of consciousness exercises. You can't predict where the journey will take you. Funny that you don't like the "Bring me sunshine in a cup" sentence. Many people seem to love this phrase. It just goes to show that everything reads differently from person to person.

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  16. No oneOctober 21, 2011 at 10:10 PM

    Ooh, I like! At first I was thinking the eyes were from fruit bats, but then the line about them attacking changed my mind. Once the man with the bowl of light appeared I really started to wander what had been watching her! Creepy!

    All that said, I have to say line BEFORE this piece intrigued me the most!

    'I'm not sure what exactly it is about the sentence "Bring me sunshine in a cup" that I have never liked but I'll make sure that doesn't affect this piece.'

    I sense there is a bigger story in this line!

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  17. LeneOctober 21, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    This was great! So suspenseful and creepy. Well Done.

    ReplyDelete

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